Perhaps the biggest challenge I face these days is being comfortable with letting Dave out of my sight for extended periods of time. Just before he was discharged from the hospital, his cardiologist, Dr. Bove told him that within 48 hours he could do anything he wanted except lift weights and exercise strenuously. Sure, that’s easy for her to say, she discharges people from the hospital practically every day. Not so for me.
Since we returned home on Tuesday, I’ve been by Dave’s side, asking if he’s okay, (probably a little too much but he’s been very patient with me.) I make sure he’s eating properly, taking evening walks and getting sufficient rest. If he needed to go somewhere, I was his chauffeur. He’s been my own personal “bubble boy”.
This morning I let him go to the office by himself. The government has conveniently accommodated his condition by furloughing the majority of government employees working with him, so there just isn’t much going on for his contractors to support. Fortunately for us, our contracts are funded with last year’s money so we’re good to go for a while.
All of this hyper-vigilance is exhausting! When he’s around, I keep checking on him and when he was at the office, he was never far from my thoughts. This morning I even caught up on ironing all the dress shirts that have been stacking up on the laundry room door. It took me over an hour to get them all pressed. But, in my own small way, I felt connected to him in a penitential sort of way.
This evening I planned on riding along with him down to the community college where he teaches on Thursday evenings, just to make sure. I had myself and dinner ready in plenty of time for us to eat and then had the kitchen tidied in short order to get on the road. All I had left to do was to call Izzie in from the yard. Usually she’s positioned right under the bird feeders, waiting for the squirrels. Usually all I have to do is open the door, call her and she trots in. Not this evening.
I called from the back door and then from the front. I walked around the house and up the hill for a better vantage point across the neighboring yards. No Izzie. We didn’t have any time to spend cat hunting. I figured she would be okay on her own until we got back and was ready to leave her to whatever mischief she was up to when Dave said, “Honey, I love that you want to come along with me, but honestly, I feel good – at least no more tired than I do any other Thursday evening. I think you should stay home.” So I did.
Maybe it’s a good thing that I let him go out on his own. For one thing, he needs to know he can do it as much as I do. I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on poor Izzie either. After all, she was just doing what comes naturally to cats, whatever she wants to do. If it had been an emergency she’d be on her own. But it wasn’t. Instead, I think it might have been God’s way of gently nudging me to let Dave go. His doctor said he’s okay. He says he’s okay. I need to be okay with it as well.
And I will be; once he comes back through the door again later this evening.