Tomorrow my grandson Seth will turn eleven years old. Like all parents and grandparents, I wonder where the time has gone and marvel how he can be this old when I haven’t aged a bit. Each year when his birthday rolls around I think back on the night he was born and the long road leading to that miracle moment. Seth, whose name means “appointed” was the catalyst in the creation of a new family in a very special way.
Seth’s arrival was heralded, not by angels in a dream, but by a late night phone call which was much more like a nightmare. My teenage daughter, away for her freshman year of college called and blurted out in between sobs that she was pregnant. She said she had decided to have the baby and offer it up for adoption.
It’s funny how when faced with a call like this, the call every mother fears, after the shock passed, all I cared about was the health and safety of my child. Her sorrow tore at my gut. Fighting my own fears, I told her everything would be alright and assured her that her dad and I would be there for her.
After we hung up, I crawled into bed and it was my turn to sob. Dave rolled over and asked my why I was crying. “What will we do?” I cried. He simply said, “Everything will be fine.” “How do you know?” I asked. “I just do.” And with God’s help, it was fine… more than fine.
From the first it was evident that God was working the details for us. My parents were visiting when we received “the call”. I was not sure how or if I would share the news with them but I did. What a gift it was to be able to feel my own mother’s arms around me that day. If ever there was a day I needed a hug from my Mom, it was that one.
The next day, Dave brought Maggie home from school weekend so we could gather her close while we discussed the future. The first morning she was home, we noticed a large white bird sitting on our back fence. We are avid bird watchers and familiar with most of our local species of birds. This was not one of them. Someone grabbed the Peterson’s Field Guide. No big white birds in there that weren’t gulls or egrets. Our last resort was the World Book (pre-web Google). We found our bird. It was a fan tailed dove; the same bird God sent down over Jesus when he was Baptized in the Jordan. They are a domestic breed of show pigeons, not generally found sitting on a fences in Virginia Beach. The amazing thing about this particular bird was that it sat on our fence for two whole days while we redefined what it meant to be a family; to love unconditionally and stand beside each other in times fo uncertainty; and God was with us.
A few months later, through an unlikely source, we were introduced to Jim and Bonnie Berryman. They had been trying to start a family for several years and were interested in adoption. Maggie met with them at their home to get to know them and get a feel for what kind of parents they would be. When she came home she said, “The have two geriatric dogs, so they must be good at care-taking.” She chose them to become the parents of her child.
Our relationship with Jim and Bonnie began gently and respectfully. At the time, none of us could have foreseen what God had in store for us. Open adoption was then and probably still is a rare occurrence. At best these type of adoptions only involve the sharing of names and the occasional photo. What we share is so much more. Through the years we have knitted ourselves into family, with lines of where one family begins and the other ends blurred. Our family bonded initially over the love of a child and has been forged by the years of caring and sharing with each other. I can’t imagine what our lives would be like without Jim, Bonnie, Seth and Caleb in it. With intense gratitude to God, I don’t have to.
So Happy Birthday Seth. I thank God everyday that you were appointed to begin our new family. Poppa and I love you very much. You could slow down on the aging thing – why not just stay eleven for two years?