Tag: marriage

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Marriage is What Brings Us Together….

For the past several months and the next 72 days wedding planning has loomed on the horizon of my thoughts.  With Maggie and Jan’s special day just ten weeks away, we are nearing the point of final contract signing and deposit paying with the venue and caterer.  From here on in it will be just the occasional and final tweaking of details.

With all this wedding planning, memories of my own wedding and the meaning of marriage have been ever-present.  I remember the excitement of the day when Dave and I finally stood up before our friends and family and committed our lives to each other.   We’d taken a rather lengthy “test drive” with our relationship, more than six years, living together the last six months or so.  People may think living together is the same as being married, but from my experience, it is very different.

The public expression of vows is not something to be pooh-poohed.  It is a momentous statement on anyone’s part, akin to a president taking an oath of office or a service member swearing an oath of allegiance to serve the country with one major exception.  I believe that when a couple vows to commit to each other, God is also present.  It is not a contract, but a covenant.  I don’t even believe the couple needs to believe in God, because God loves all people God has created, unconditionally.

So, given my current frame of mind, it is not surprising that two of the biggest items in the news this week have caught my attention.  Both involve marriage; first, the fact that a growing number of heterosexual couples have declined going through the conventional channels of marriage to start families, finding it archaic and secondly, that homosexual couples have successfully fought DOMA for the right to have their marriages recognized.  It seems that the GLBT community have recognized that living together is not the same as being married while many of our young straight couples have not.

It’s a curious conundrum.

I have joked with Maggie that when folks see on her Facebook page that she’s in a relationship with Jan, that folks would wonder if Jan was a guy or girl.  (Jan, pronounced “Yan”, is the German version of John.)  We’ve had a few laughs about it, but honestly, if Maggie had the kind of relationship with a female Jan instead of a male Yan, I believe I would be okay with it.  Naturally it would have taken some adjustment, but in the end, the goal of any parent is to see their children living a healthy, happy life with a loving partner.

And, while the Church may not condone a same-sex marriage, I don’t think it is within the powers of the Church to put limits on whom God can love or approve of.  If God is love, as we are taught and God’s love is unceasing and unconditional, who are we to make a judgement call.

Many people when making a decision, ask themselves, “What would Jesus do?”   I tend to recall the image of Jesus in John, Chapter 8; sitting in the ground, writing in the dirt with his finger while the Pharisees and scribes asked him to condemn the adulterous woman.  “Let the one among you without sin be the one to throw the first stone at her.” He said.  If we are making a judgement on someone else, that is what we need to keep in mind.  What he said to the woman after they all left; that’s between the two of them.

So, that’s a lot to munch on.  I honestly don’t know what the right answer is, but at this point, I can’t see the wrong in choosing love.

 

 

 

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Anchor and Chain

Last weekend I saw “The Vow” . I’d not heard of the film before coming down to Florida.  Partly because Dave and I almost never go out to the movies anymore and partly because we watch the vast majority of our yet television from our DVR, we just don’t hear about films unless they are heavily promoted.

The story was of a young couple who lived an artsy lifestyle. She had cut all ties with her family, he had none but her. One night they were in a horrible car accident where she suffered severe head trauma resulting in amnesia.  The last four years of her life, including her entire relationship with her husband were wiped from her memory. Her husband, refusing to lose the only family he had, spent months trying to help her remember him and their life together.

I won’t give away the rest of the story, the movie was worth seeing.  The reason I’m writing about it is because since seeing this film, I’ve been thinking a good deal about love and commitment.

Falling in love is easy. We do it all the time. We visit a new restaurant, try a new recipe, read a good book, meet a new friend or even see a good movie and we say we “love” them all. Making the commitment to be with any of these things for the rest of our lives is another story.

During the course of any marriage we all tend to suffer from amnesia.  At times we forget what it was that made us fall in love with our partners.  They seem so different or we are different (or so we think).   Without commitment to the relationship there is nothing to keep us from running off to find someone new to fall in love with.

Men often joke about their wives, referring to them as “the old ball end chain”. I’d hate to think of myself in that way. Instead, I think of my commitment to Dave as an anchor and chain, securing him, as he does me, when seas are rough. (Navy wife imagery).  We work hard to help each other remember why we fell in love in the first place.

We have had our share of white caps, but for the most part have enjoyed fair winds and following seas. Either one of us walking away during a rough spot would have only made a bad situation worse.

So, on this second day after St. Valentines Day, four months away from our 32nd wedding anniversary, I’m thinking I’m pretty lucky to have found someone not only to commit to but to commit to me as well.
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I Got Rhythm….

Today is the first rainy day we’ve had in a while.  The rain in steadily falling filling the house with a faint hissing sound.  I have the windows open just a crack to let in the clean fall air.  As I sit here writing, I’m delighting in watching water bead up on the deck outside the window.  We just finished sealing it on Monday.

It was a three day process to actually complete the job but it seemed like it took months of planning and preparation.  “When do you want to do it?”  “I don’t know.”  This was how the conversation went.  Then, Saturday morning we decided we would go to Lowe’s and get everything we needed to complete the job.

Unlike other projects, where we assemble the required items and leave them stashed in the garage for several months, we set upon this task immediately.  In no time we were clearing the outdoor furnishing down to the lawn and Dave began to spray on the deck cleaner from our new handy dandy pump sprayer.  It didn’t take long to realize that we were going to need more than we bought.  I was a little annoyed since I wanted to buy the big bottle in the first place but, grabbed my keys and headed back to Lowe’s before the conversation of “Do you want to go, or do you want me to go?” progressed any further.  In half an hour I was back and the cleaning continued.

Sunday we decided we would go on a mini “date” before hitting the deck again.  So, after Mass, we headed over to Green Hills to hit a few buckets of balls on the driving range and then grab a sandwich at the clubhouse grill.  It was a glorious day!  The sun was out, the sky was blue and the temperature was just right.  Taking the time to stop and enjoy the day before working was a wonderful idea.  If we’d tried to work first, we never would have made it to the driving range and would have grumped about it all week. Instead, we went home, rested a bit and got back to work on the deck.

I have to say I enjoyed sealing the deck with Dave almost as much as enjoyed our time on the driving range.  Working together towards a common goal, our hands rhythmically guiding our brushes back and forth, provided a kind of intimate sharing.  Sometimes we chatted, others we were quiet in our own thoughts.  But all the while, we were together, working, sharing and just being.

We have come to know just how special our life here has become.  Aside from the house, the neighborhood and the spectacular views, our new life here has given us more undistracted time to be “us”.   We have fallen in to a rhythm here that is pleasing and easy to follow.  Anyone want to sing along?