For the past several months and the next 72 days wedding planning has loomed on the horizon of my thoughts. With Maggie and Jan’s special day just ten weeks away, we are nearing the point of final contract signing and deposit paying with the venue and caterer. From here on in it will be just the occasional and final tweaking of details.
With all this wedding planning, memories of my own wedding and the meaning of marriage have been ever-present. I remember the excitement of the day when Dave and I finally stood up before our friends and family and committed our lives to each other. We’d taken a rather lengthy “test drive” with our relationship, more than six years, living together the last six months or so. People may think living together is the same as being married, but from my experience, it is very different.
The public expression of vows is not something to be pooh-poohed. It is a momentous statement on anyone’s part, akin to a president taking an oath of office or a service member swearing an oath of allegiance to serve the country with one major exception. I believe that when a couple vows to commit to each other, God is also present. It is not a contract, but a covenant. I don’t even believe the couple needs to believe in God, because God loves all people God has created, unconditionally.
So, given my current frame of mind, it is not surprising that two of the biggest items in the news this week have caught my attention. Both involve marriage; first, the fact that a growing number of heterosexual couples have declined going through the conventional channels of marriage to start families, finding it archaic and secondly, that homosexual couples have successfully fought DOMA for the right to have their marriages recognized. It seems that the GLBT community have recognized that living together is not the same as being married while many of our young straight couples have not.
It’s a curious conundrum.
I have joked with Maggie that when folks see on her Facebook page that she’s in a relationship with Jan, that folks would wonder if Jan was a guy or girl. (Jan, pronounced “Yan”, is the German version of John.) We’ve had a few laughs about it, but honestly, if Maggie had the kind of relationship with a female Jan instead of a male Yan, I believe I would be okay with it. Naturally it would have taken some adjustment, but in the end, the goal of any parent is to see their children living a healthy, happy life with a loving partner.
And, while the Church may not condone a same-sex marriage, I don’t think it is within the powers of the Church to put limits on whom God can love or approve of. If God is love, as we are taught and God’s love is unceasing and unconditional, who are we to make a judgement call.
Many people when making a decision, ask themselves, “What would Jesus do?” I tend to recall the image of Jesus in John, Chapter 8; sitting in the ground, writing in the dirt with his finger while the Pharisees and scribes asked him to condemn the adulterous woman. “Let the one among you without sin be the one to throw the first stone at her.” He said. If we are making a judgement on someone else, that is what we need to keep in mind. What he said to the woman after they all left; that’s between the two of them.
So, that’s a lot to munch on. I honestly don’t know what the right answer is, but at this point, I can’t see the wrong in choosing love.