Last night after dinner as I went into the living room to turn the tree lights on before plopping in front of the tv for a few hours, I made a quick change of plans and decided to join Izzie for a few moments of quiet instead. She was curled in tight ball on the back of the couch; her usual evening perch. I sat down and let my head rest next to her. As I did, she stretched a bit to gain greater contact with my face and hair, and turned her head a bit to nuzzle me. Together we admired the Christmas tree while Dave finished tidying the kitchen.
This Christmas is much quieter than most we’ve shared. For the first time in over thirty years, our nest is truly empty. And it has come as a shock and surprise to me that I am feeling a such loose ends because of it. I’m just not quite sure what I’m supposed to do now.
Doing things to prepare for Christmas has been my way of celebrating the holidays for most of my adult life. I have worn the heavy self-made mantle of head elf, attempting to single-handedly create the perfect holiday for my family. Now that it’s just the two of us, I seem to be left doing the same things on an abbreviated scale and I was beginning wonder why I bother. With no one else to share all the decorations or baking with, what is the point?
Then last night, as I sat in the living room with my eyes filled with tears, blurring the lights from the tree into a white haze, the clinking of dishes being loaded into the dishwasher reminded me exactly of why I continue the baking, the shopping, the wrapping and planning. I do it because it is our tradition, Dave’s and mine. Most were started before we had children and they will continue now that our children are grown and off making traditions of their own.
Truthfully, over the years our Christmas traditions have always changed. As a military family, we made some major moves landing us in places where we always added and adapted as necessary. For example KFC became our Christmas Eve dinner to accommodate multiple Mass choir commitments, we switched between live and artificial trees, dinner menus were tweaked to include local favorites and except for a couple of years, we celebrated with our “local family,” close friends who like us, were far away from “home.”
So I guess for Dave and I, change has always been a constant for the Christmas holidays, and this year will be the same in that respect. After all, life is not a constant, nor guaranteed, but it is to be lived well and not wasted.
So whether your nest is empty or bursting at the seams, my wish for you is that you make the time to enjoy the traditions you have, treasure those you’ve lost and look forward to those just beyond your sight. As for me, I plan on spending a lot more time “being” and less time “doing.” That is my new tradition.
Oh wise woman , I echo you, me too, me too!
I can totally relate. This is the second year we’ve been away from our home at Christmas. Last year I wasn’t going to decorate at all but then one day when we were walking Jim quietly told me that it wasn’t just the “kids” who enjoyed the Christmas decorations. I didn’t go full tilt but I did do a lot more than I had planned on doing. This year it’s all in storage as we try to sell the house and Jim is already moved so the whole season is feeling rather strange. I will travel again so I’ll go where there are decorations up and Christmas traditions, but they won’t be “ours.”
It’s like the factory has closed and we need to be retrained….
Good approach; beats a ‘tradition’ of unrealistic expectations and disappointments