Last week was one of those weeks where practically every activity I’m involved in converges into what I will call a “volunteer vortex”. A volunteer vortex results when the number of commitments you makes to community activities overtakes the ability to keep up with them as well as the requirements of everyday life resulting in your home and family being pushed to the back burner or possibly even never even removed from the refrigerator and put on the stove at all. Anyone who has experienced this can assure you that it is not a very pleasant state of being. Instead of being able to enjoy any one moment fully, you have to stay mindful that you’re on a timeline. In my case, I am left both energized and drained and most of all frustrated that I haven’t learned to keep my commitment more inline with my priorities.
I know, everybody’s busy and I don’t want to play the martyr, listing the variety of activities that occupied my time last week and I wouldn’t want you to think that it was all bad. In fact, most of what I did last week was rewarding and recreational. (Including a great haircut so at least I looked good as I hoofed up and down the highway!) It’s just that there was so much stuff packed into each day that it left little time for me to just be; to so the necessary mental homework associated with my commitments. And, on a personal note, even though I can’t seem to avoid offering to help people, there is a part of me that really needs quiet time, to connect with my soul and recharge.
So now I’m at a crossroads. Do I keep going as I have been, with my vortex of activities in all things that interest me or do I step up into a real leadership role in one of them and let some of the others go?
Perhaps it’s the “oldest child” syndrome that drives me to be a constant helper but beyond that, I do enjoy helping. I have long thought of myself as a professional facilitator; I like to put people in contact with who and what they need to the best of my ability. I am an idea person; I have pretty decent brainstorming skills and can think so far outside of the box that I forget there is a box. I look for potential and possibilities in all situations and the silver lining in every cloud. I’m not afraid of speaking to people I don’t know and public speaking doesn’t scare me too much. That being said, I don’t think I’m that good of a leader.
Even though I possess the organizational and people skills a leader should have, I still lack the discipline and focus to complete the follow-up tasks. I’ve stepped into a few leadership roles recently and have done what I would grade as a poor job due to the time crunch and Letting things fall through the cracks is something I can’t abide; especially when I’m the one allowing the falling. Maybe I’m too afraid of letting people down to take that step; I don’t know.
I do know that I’m going to try to spend some “me” time this week out of the vortex to recharge and reconnect, clean out the frig and pay closer attention to what I’ve got going on the stove already. Hopefully with a clear head and clean frig I’ll be able to see which path is best for me.