There seem to be three distinct Corona virus vaccination groups; those who haven’t decided whether to get one or don’t want one for varied reasons depending on their personal reality, those fortunate ones who have managed to receive theirs, proudly displaying selfies with a bandaged forearm or health department certificate in their Facebook posts, and then there is the majority of us, myself included who struggle between patience and frustration in our desire to get that first jab in the arm.
And it is a struggle. And there doesn’t seem to be any way to decode or determine who will, like Charlie in Willy Wonka, will find the golden ticket and get the call to come to the vaccination center. At first, when I saw that shots were finally being distributed, it gave me tremendous hope that this long time of confinement is coming to an end. But now, three months into the roll out, I struggle to keep that hope burning as I wait for my turn to come.
So much seems to depend on where you live. My parents, who are both over 85 and live in rural Georgia are struggling to even determine if there is some kind of system down there while friends living in New Jersey and North Carolina who are my age and younger and not in any particular essential worker group have already received at least their first inoculation.
I know this isn’t news to anyone. And, it’s like my Dad always told me, life is not fair; at least not from our individual perspective. Sometimes you just need to step away from yourself to get the big picture. To do this, I try to turn to prayer.
Throughout this past year close to home, I’ve made several attempts to be more disciplined in my prayer life. I’ve tried my different things; daily podcasts, religious books on God’s plan and guides to living in God’s love. Each have had limited success or impact on my mood. Then, a couple of weeks ago I began listing to “The Bible in a Year” podcast hosted by Father Mike Schmitz, a Catholic priest with a lively personality and down-to-earth perspective.
As a cradle Catholic, God’s word has always been an important part of my faith formation, but in our tradition, reading the Bible through from the beginning has not been a focus. I’ve made a couple of attempts, but without success. This podcast however, fits well into my auditory learning style and I’ve found that he reflections at the end of each lesson give me much to chew on.
It’s been a long slog through the book of Genesis. Oh the humanity! Jackie Collins had nothing on the writer; murder, lust, incest, deception, and yet, the writer clearly says that God loved them deeply. As Richard Rohr says, “God does not love you because you are good, God loves you because God is God.” And, like the early people of God, I have been broken in my life. I am broken now. And I will be broken again.
The other day as I listened to the story of Joseph, I realized that the jealousy the brothers felt regarding the Joseph’s coat was very similar to how I was feeling about the Covid vaccine. Like Reuben, Simeon, Judah, et. al., despite the many gifts I’ve been given throughout my life, my family and friends, my health, personal security and freedom, I realized that I, too, take on the green eyes of envy when I see someone else get something I want. It wasn’t a pleasant realization, but it did bring me back down from my dark cloud; a real “oops” moment.
I know at this point, after a year of social distancing, we are all like horses nearing the edge of the desert. We can smell the water and we yearn to run for it. I also know that our time will come hopefully sooner than later.
If you would like to check out Fr. Mike’s Bible in a Year, here is the link the website: https://ascensionpress.com/pages/biy-registration. You can also find the podcast in any of the places you find podcasts.