On Nanahood

I have been blessed with three grandsons (so far).  Each provides me with an abundance of love and fills my heart with pride.  I love watching them grow and develop from tiny babies with scrunched up red faces and bodies into little people with unique personalities and perspectives.  Each child entered my life in a very different manner but each in his own way, each have become a part of me through the Grace of God.

My oldest grandson, Seth, will be fifteen in May.  Our relation is one of blood, but also of sweat and many tears.  Maggie had just started college when she learned she was expecting him and knowing she wasn’t ready to be a parent, wanted to offer him to a couple who were ready but were unable to have children of their own.  The Spirit led us to his parents, Jim and Bonnie Berryman and then guided us all into a remarkable family relationship that surprises many but has blessed us all.

I’ll never forget the night he was born.  After months of worrying and praying and trusting and worrying some more, Seth Peter emerged from the comfort of his birth-mother’s womb into a room where his mother, father, Nana and Poppa all waiting to greet him.  The five of us took turns holding him, silently promising to love him and watch over him throughout his life.

Having the opportunity to watch Seth grow and remain a part of our family has been a tremendous blessing for me.  I’ve never had to wonder where he is or how he’s doing because over the years I’ve been there.  At the same time, I’ve been able to watch my own child, his birth mother, continue to mature into a remarkable young woman without the responsibility of raising a child she wasn’t ready for.  What an amazing gift he has been!

Number two grandson, Caleb, entered my life is a variation of Seth’s story.  Almost two years after Seth was born, I received a call from the social worker who had assisted Maggie through her adoption process asking if I would be willing to chat with another family who were exploring open adoption for their daughter who like Maggie, was not ready to accept the responsibility of parenthood.  Until then, I was unaware that we had been the only family the Catholic Charities agency in our town had assisted in a fully open adoption.  I’ve always been a firm believer that many of our experiences should be shared, I agreed.

As the social worker relayed the contact information for the family, I realized that these were not strangers, but church friends we hadn’t seen in many years. We were both Navy families so the coming and going out of each other’s lives was a familiar tale.   I felt a tiny tug in my gut as I remembered that feeling of uncertainty in the early days of Maggie’s pregnancy before we met Jim and Bonnie and didn’t have even a glimpse at the end of the tunnel.  I didn’t waste any time in contacting my friend Karen and setting up a time for us all to get together.

Meanwhile, totally off my radar, our social worker contacted Jim and Bonnie to see if they were interested in increasing the size of their family. As it turned out, they were they only couple in their files willing to entertain a fully open adoption.  So, through the grace of God and the action of the Holy Spirit, Caleb Ian also became a part of our family.

A few years ago, when he was old enough to notice differences, Caleb asked me how I could be his Nana when I wasn’t his mother’s mother or his birth-mother’s mother.  I told him I considered myself his Nana from the day he was born and always loved him as a grandson.  As far as I was concerned, family is about who you love, not genetics.

And that’s how things were for thirteen years, I’ve been Nana to two growing boys.  Along with their Poppa, we have enjoyed almost every minute we’ve spent with our “little”  guys; after all, no one is fun all the time.   And, like all proper Nana’s, I have hundreds of photos chronicling our lives together through Dedications, birthdays, Holidays, and vacations.

This past August, a new young man entered all of our lives, grandson #3; Kaspar Arwed.

Kaspar’s arrival into our lives has a much less interesting story than those of Seth and Caleb.  He was born just shy of two years after his parents, Maggie and Jan were married.  There were no concerns about where he would live or who would raise him and except for his slightly unusual name, there isn’t much uncommon about him.  He is of course the world’s cutest and smartest baby (a title he has clearly inherited from his two older brothers).

It could be that I’m just older and the distance in time between the births of the older two boys, and especially my own baby boy, Andy, but it seems that each milestone Kaspar makes as he steps into the second half of his first year is one small step for mankind.  (Yes, I am unabashedly comparing Kaspar’s ability to stand on his tip toes in his baby seat to Neal Armstrong’s first step on the moon.)

My love for these three young men is limitless and boundless.  Regardless of who arrived first, second or third, who is a blood relation or not, or who I am able to see more often.  My heart has made a Covenant with these guys, like it or not.  They will be my Grandsons and I will be their Nana!