Sometimes I miss the pitter-patter of little feet around the house and the warmth of little bodies climbing into my lap. Then I remember that babies as well as puppies, eventually grow into teens and dogs and I know that I’ve grown very accustomed to having my time and space to myself and I’m not so anxious to have either for a while.
Earlier this month my son Andy (aka Andrew) spent a couple of weeks with us as he transitioned on to his new job and home in New Orleans. At thirty-one he is a full-grown man, fully self-sufficient and a joy to be with. We have a good time together and he’s always ready to jump in the car and keep me company even when I run the most mundane of errands. Together we went grocery shopping, to tent sales, to the county inspectors office to apply for a building permit and even to Ikea.
One of our last errands was to drive to Richmond to collect my grandson, Seth, for a week’s visit. Originally Andy had planned on leaving earlier, but decided to extend his time with us so he could spend time with his nephew. In the hour and a half on our way to Richmond, our conversation was adult and somewhat serious as we pondered our futures. After picking up Seth, our conversation was more concentrated on X Box and Wierd Al; at thirteen, Seth is entering the mysterious teen years; the early ones when we all do silly things we hope no one will remember!
Andy’s formative years were a tremendous challenge. His intelligence, quick temper and lightning mind kept me on my toes, forever working to disarm potential explosions and squash flair ups. And, because his mind worked faster than mine, it was mentally exhausting. It was a shared frustration; he was frustrated by the limitations of childhood and I was frustrated that he wasn’t happy to just be a child. “Because I said so.” was simply not an acceptable answer to his endless “Why?’s” This frustration many times resulted in unexplained anger which is very difficult to control. If you know what you’re mad at, you have a place to direct it; if not, it gets directed at those closest to you. Somehow, with love, faith and a strict course of traditional karate as well as the passage of time and maturity on both of our parts, we survived his early teen years and can now truly enjoy and appreciate the times we can share as a family.
Now my “little” Sethie has become one of “them”. Physically he is taller than me and the bones in his arms and legs seem to be growing faster than his muscles and fat are able to keep pace with. His face is lengthening as well and his voice is beginning to change. Much like an infant, all he really wants to do is eat and sleep and spend the in-between hours watching a Japanese animated series called “Bleach” that to the untrained eye (like mine) seems to be a complicated yet monotonous series of gory martial arts battles and whimpering young women. (Chacun a son gout.)
Don’t get me wrong, we had a good time, in the time I had his attention and I feel blessed to have had shared a bit of thirteen with him. We shared moments of great fun as we listened to my Weird Al station on Pandora, driving back and forth to his woodworking class each day and he politely watched “Young Frankenstein” (despite the fact it was in black and white) and two episodes of “Get Smart” with me. To reward him for his patience while I dragged him around trying to complete Habitat stuff, we stopped by the Dairy Queen for frozen treats and later worked on a jigsaw puzzle together.
During our week together I learned as much about Seth as I did about myself. Remembering how awkward I felt at his age, I could empathize with his stage of “in-betweenness”; not really a child, but definitely not an adult. At the same time I just couldn’t escape the “been there, done that” feeling of a woman who’s already raised her son through the tough years.
In the end, I guess there is just no way to discard all the experiences I’ve had in the past to start fresh in any relationship and just maybe, I’m being a bit harder on myself than I should be. To put it in perspective, I suppose we’re all in an in-between age; rooted in our past, living in our present and hoping for the future. I’m so lucky to have both of these incredible young men in my life and wait in joyful anticipation to see where their lives next take us together.