Just one week ago I received some awful news concerning friend of mine. An acquaintance, who works for the local paper, called to give me a head’s up that my friend had been arrested that morning for possession of child pornography. She wanted me to be aware of the situation before I saw his face on the evening news.
To say that I was shocked would be a gross understatement. The thought of Sheriffs arriving at this good man’s home and arresting him under the suspicion of a crime so foul was not one I could easily reconcile. I knew there had to be some kind of mistake; it just couldn’t have been him. We’re all innocent until proven guilty, right?
But, less than thirty-minutes later, the news came on and my friend’s face filled the 40 inches of my television screen. What I had been told was the truth. He had indeed been arrested and charged with multiple counts of child pornography. I was crushed. What a tragedy; not only for him and his family but also for all of his friends, acquaintances and co-workers and anyone else who knows who he is and now wonders how they could have been fooled into believing that he was something he was not.
Or was he?
I know the first reaction of most people in this situation would probably be to distance themselves from an individual tainted by the exploitation of children. But I can’t help but think that people should be judged in their entirety. Should the many acts of goodness and kindness a person has done in their lives be negated by examples of their poor judgment? If you are truly someone’s friend, shouldn’t you still do all you can to support them through the dark times? These are the kinds of thoughts that have been processing in the back of my brain all week.
Then it came to me last night as I was trying to fall asleep. When the Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive his neighbor. “Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (NAB Matt 18:22) And there you have it.
While there is no way I could ever condone such activity, my friend is still my friend, and he is in need. For me the challenge will be in truly embracing the faith I claim to profess and forgiving the man his sin while offering prayers for him and his family as they face what is to come.
Sorry to hear about this, Monica, and good for you for remembering your friend’s humanity. As clergy, I face situations like this with some regularity. It has helped me to be clear on some things: Respect this person’s inherent worth and dignity. Welcome him as a member of the community. Treat him as you would want to be treated. AND have him sign a “limited access agreement” that protects the community’s children. Prayers for him, his family, and for you.