Dear Caleb,
Last weekend at Maggie’s wedding, I was saddened to learn that you were feeling a little like you didn’t belong in our family because your Asian features make you look a little different from the rest of us. Yes, our family is a little unique because both you and Seth were adopted. But please know that I truly believe that God shone his face upon us when He brought us all together through your open adoptions and through grace, we became family, just like Maggie and Jan were joined at their wedding.
Even though Seth is my biological grandson, when you arrived a couple of years later via a different birth mother, I never thought of you as anything but my grandson too. Although I can see my family traits in Seth, since I knew your birth mother and her family when she little girl, I can see them in you as well and feel that connection with you. Blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood and I have loved you, my little sweetie, from the beginning. It makes my heart heavy and sad to think that just because of the shape of your eyes, you could think you don’t belong to us. So, I thought I’d share a few pictures of some of my blood relatives to prove family isn’t about how you look. Now matter how you got here, you are my grandson and I love you very much.
This handsome young man is my cousin Jordan. His mother, Melissa, is my first cousin. I don’t know him very well because of the age difference between his mother and I (she was born when I was in high school.) At first glance, you might think he doesn’t look anything like me because of the coffee-colored skin he received from his Jamaican-born father. When I look at him, I can see the face of his mother, his uncles and even his grandmother. He’s just been added to the UVA Men’s Soccer Team so I hope to see him in action very soon.
This next photo is of my nephew, JJ with Maggie and Andy. We were very lucky when Poppa received orders to be stationed in Hawai’i when my brother John and his family were also stationed there. With most of our family scattered around the country, it was a real joy to live within a few miles of each other so that these cousins could get to know each other. Because JJ’s mother, my sister-in-law, Queyen is Chinese, he looked like the local people in Hawai’i while we were “haole” (which means the “smelly ones” in Hawaiian).
Living in Hawai’i also provided Poppa, Maggie and Andy and I the opportunity to feel what is like to live in a place where you don’t look like most of the other people there. Most of the population were of Chinese, Japanese, Filipino and Thai origin so looked a lot like you! But we loved living there so very much.
This photo is of my cousin Beth and her daughter, Andrea. She’s about the same age as you are. Her mother, Beth is my cousin Bob’s daughter and is Jordan’s first cousin. She, too, might someday think she doesn’t fit in because she inherited a skin-tone darker than her mothers from her father’s Indian ancestry (India the country).
All of these people as different as they look, are my cousins. While family traits are evident if you know what to look for, people who don’t know all of us might not see them. I’d be willing to bet that every one of us has been teased when they were your age by other children who look for differences and then pounce with ugly names and words.
In my experience, it’s not just skin color or eye shape they go after, their venom can also be applied to height, weight, facial features, religion, ethnic origin, neighborhood, family, etc. The list goes on and on. If there is a weak spot, it can be found and hurt can be made. Believe me, after wearing braces for six years, was an easy target! Just try to remember that usually when someone picks on you, it’s because they don’t feel good about themselves and want you to feel bad about yourself too. That’s sort of sad, isn’t it?
So my dear young fellow, I hope this illustrates that being part of a family is definitely NOT about how you look, but the love that binds you together. You are a precious part of our family and I thank God everyday for bringing us all together. Our faces might not look alike, but our hearts are the same. If you ever feel like you don’t belong, give me a call and I’ll remind you just how much I love you!
Keep smiling buddy!
Love,
Nana