If there were one thing I wish I could have given my daughter, it would have been a sister. I have been blessed with two of them and although our youths were not spent holding hands and skipping down the sidewalk together, the time we shared “in the nest” was invaluable; especially now.
As kids, the differences in our ages prevented us from being close. Ann, who is next oldest to me, was too close in age. She was smart, mature and didn’t understand why I was allowed to do things that she wasn’t. She probably resented my “oldest” status and I envied her pretty face, shiny brown hair and straight teeth as I saw myself as an ugly duckling with glasses, braces and pale white skin. From about age eight and seven on, we were pretty much the same size, shared a bedroom and even some clothes. Our mother sewed most of our clothes so we had “sister” outfits. Collectively, we were “the girls.”
Barb is my youngest sister. The six-year gap in our ages put her in baby status compared to me. She was cute and from my perspective received lots of attention for being so. Because of the age difference, she had her own room for most of her youth. There were times when I thought she was a pest, like when I’d find her sleeping in my bed and have to go sleep in her cookie crumb-filled bed instead. Now that I think about it, she just probably wanted to be with us; to be one of the girls.
With this in mind, why would I wish this upon my own daughter?
Well, fast forward several decades and the three of us now truly appreciate what we have in each other, companions from our youth; sisters who love each other deeply, who can laugh about the past, share the present and ponder the future together. The age differences are no longer important.
For the past several years, Barb and I have taken road trips to visit our parents in the spring. She is one of the few people I can truthfully say I look forward to spending eight to ten hours in a car with. Most times we don’t even turn on the radio. We talk and laugh and revel in each other’s company. Our mind work on the same quirky wave-length, we find humor in the same weird things and yet, we are also very different.
This year we added a fall trip out to the land of our birth, Western New York State to visit my mother’s younger sister, our Aunt Mary and her family. There we were treated to an extended family gathering which included even more aunts, uncles and cousins. There I saw my mother’s three sisters in action; remembering, teasing and laughing. Seeing them together was like looking into a mirror; seeing how siblings with similar yet very different perceptions of growing up in the same family can experience joy in the shared connection.
So Maggie, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to give you a sister to share with, fight with, laugh with and cry with. I know you experienced some of these with Andy and brothers are a gift unto themselves as well. The difference is that sisters pay attention and remember. They can be your toughest competitors and greatest cheerleaders. But in the end, if you’re lucky, as they saying goes; “a sister is a forever friend.”
I never had a sister. I was given two older brothers, who were collectively thought of as “the boys”. We could be great pals at times when we were young, but as adults, they have cleaved to their own families and we don’t call and chat or go on road trips like sisters might do. Growing up, my best friend was a twin. Their family consisted of 6 girls and finally, to their dad’s joy, a baby boy when we were in 3rd grade. They were all very close, but could also at time be, like you were saying, each other’s worst enemy – especially when one of them was borrowing a shirt without asking 🙂 At those moments, I happily accepted my brothers only status and the occasional “nuggie” that went with the territory. Rather than getting to wear my sister’s favorite top, I feel uber important when my brother granted an invitation to camp out in the back yard with him or go on an after-dark mission stealing the fruit from Dr. Hodel’s grapevines. I got to be that girl accomplice – on “Mission Impossible” or “It Takes a Thief” 🙂 SO much cooler! But now, I sometimes think it would sure be nice to have a sister. I see how my girls talk and bond and I’m so happy they have each other. My son, on the other hand, never had a brother, yet, always wanted one. I can’t blame him. Although growing up with girls, I think he has become a more thoughtful, compassionate person than he might have otherwise, boys too, need that gender companionship. My brothers shared a room, went on a road trip, built models, played war games, and built Linkin Log forts together. Chris often was at the one of two neighbors houses. Neither had any girls, so their backyards were full of power blasters, nerf gun reloads, zip lines, and tree houses. Can you blame him? I think this is why loyalty from his close friends is so important to him. They are the brothers he never had.
Who knows if and additional child would have been the brother or sister our kids needed. Back then, we couldn’t select the sex, and honestly, I wouldn’t choose to do so today. And I like to think, our kids are who they are because of how they grew up. Maybe the sister or brother would have been so completely different that they would never have gotten along. I always think it’s sad when I hear someone’s sibling has been an arch enemy or thorn all their life. Those people probably have some huge relationship barriers they deal with. Only God knows for sure. And we just have to trust that what we have is what has been best. Sometimes trusting is the only way to Peace.
Thanks Jennnifer. I totally agree with you. I also have great experiences with my brothers and I think my kids are not feeling a loss at not having additional siblings (and i don’t know if I could have handled more).